There are times I stay quiet and “remain vigilant” like here, but there are other times that I speak up and speak my mind and I still get my feelings hurt.
Last night my family (I have aunts, uncles, and cousins here visiting) and I were trying to decide what to do, but when this morning came all of those plans have changed. I tried to give some input, but all I got was, “well, you will understand dear…” and then they said something about the dog. It was like the plans we made didn’t matter to them.
Us girls were going to bake treats and they all backed out of it, so I ended up being the only person in the house besides the dog listening to music and baking. It was lonely and I love to bake; but there is something when you have plans to do something special and then one by one backs out, it seems like whatever you are doing turns sour. That you had the hope of something bigger and it fell flat.
After that the plans never come out very well. It is like they are doomed before they even start. It sucks. But I baked made some treats, they actually came out very cute. I will do a next post on them, now I need to frost them, so I promise to write soon!
THE PLAN #1: Create lifestyle goals and follow through with them- Doing this for myself; if I can get to the point where I am healthy and I love my body and ME than I have succeeded. Right now I am 2 out of 3.
Here are the goals I came up with:
Become less dependent on soda- go “cold turkey” for 1 month and then periodically have it, but maybe 1 or 2 times a month.
Become a healthier curvier me- In my head that made sense, but basically, work out. Once a week do cardio (walking, running, a mix between the two), do it regularly on wednesdays and saturdays and do it for around 30 minutes.
Create a healthy routine/relationship with: hygiene, laundry, money, and food-Basically create positive things that right now have negative aura around them, do this now, so I have a brighter future. Create a plan for these things and stick with it.
Have fun and have the ability to let loose every now and then- it is good for the soul!
These are along the lines of what I am thinking. Create things that both need improvement and realistic plans that aren’t out of reach of doing. I think I will do a couple of different posts on this and from there we will see. If anything needs to be reworked then I will figure it out. I know I am looking forward to it.
This is my way of saying, “you bitch, you hurt my feelings, but I am trying to be nice to you”. Instead of the usual “fine”, I say, “I am good, but thank you”.
Some people might think it is a cop out, and it kind of is, but sometimes I don’t want to tell the person what I think of them during something so this is my way of saying I am “fine”.
Tonight was my Nan’s 85th birthday woohoo! and my aunts, my nan’s sisters, went against everything my mom and I set up and planned. Even my mom was starting to get annoyed with their actions. It was honestly starting to get ridiculous. So I just kept my head high and said this phrase just a billion times hoping they would get the picture to back the fuck off.
I am still a wee bit ticked off at my aunts and they are staying at my house so I can’t say a fucking thing, but I wish I could. I am calming down and I decided it would be nice to vent about it. I might be more relaxed than I was a couple of minutes ago too.
I know songs have been made about this, but just go with it and listen to this rant and allow me to vent.
Tonight, my “relationship” with my brother has been stated out. He said and I quote: “He loves me and he wants to try for a relationship” but “it should grow organically, we shouldn’t force it”, oh and my favorite, “just let me know when you want to do something, just send me a text or call me and let me know”.
There seems to be something wrong with those statements.
Isn’t a relationship between two people making an effort to get to know each other and to be there for each other. What he said is very one sided. I can give him a point, he said it best: he can be hard to deal with (my mom said an understatement) and I am sensitive- it is true. I have hope that this will work, but I really have my doubts. I will try my best but I am pretty sure that I will end up heartbroken again by him.
He is asking his girlfriend to marry him on April 26, and I am so excited for him. I am excited that I will have a soon to be sister-in-law. I am looking forward to having a relationship with her. I am looking forward to it. I truly am.
We will see how it goes, I have my doubts, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try to have a relationship, but there does come a point in time where it hurts too much to try and I am worried that we are going to be coming to that point in the future.
I know I would like a brother be a brother to me, if it isn’t my biological brother, then I hope I find some close guy friends that can help fill that hole in my heart.
Create lifestyle goals and follow through with them- Doing this for myself; if I can get to the point where I am healthy and I love my body and ME than I have succeeded. Right now I am 2 out of 3.
Get driver’s licence I bought my car in full, so the next step is to learn to drive, but I already put 10 hours into this process so it is going…
Save at least $100 per check- It is a way to build up my savings account so when I do get my job, I can go. I won’t be held back by my finances.
Student loans- Consolidate, lower payments, and IBR. Don’t want to do it, but it is the only way to get to where I want to go.
Build up profile- Pull from college and create an outstanding profile… and create a good resume with templates for cover letters.
Start looking for jobs-Pick the company and look at ways to work up to the dream job, don’t plan for dream job, plan on using other skills to get there.
Leave current job- I need to stay for a year to get references and experience, but after that I can leave. BUT, my rule is that I can only leave if I have everything set in place. I must have the job, some money, and a place to live before I am able to leave.
This is THE PLAN! I hope it works, but you will know when I do. In the next post, I am going to look into more details regarding THE PLAN #1. Stay tuned and if you have any advice or experience please share, I could use the help.
My tigger says that his goal is to make me smile and he does. I was upset last night and when we talked, he listened and any time I cried, he found ways to make me smile. I am blessed because with him I have not only a boyfriend, but a best friend, a Sir, and a tigger. Just wanted to share this information that I am a lucky twenty something.
So, the plan has been in motion since I graduated from college, but while I was at work today the plan has taken off. Today during my 6 month review, I received the following complaints (my explanation is in ()):
Speaks on the phone with food in mouth. (I work for 12 hours and I don’t get a break- I have to ask for a bathroom break-I know TMI- so this sometimes happens, but it is rare.)
Need to wipe crumbs off things- including the carpet. (I bring my own plates to work and I am very careful with everything. I sanatize things before I leave work.)
Condescending towards the security guards (If I am, I really don’t know it. I say, “Thank you” every time)
Has a degree and thus is holier than thou. (I barely talk about that I have a degree because a lot of the people I am working with haven’t gone to college.)
But after the 6 month review I was thinking about how I never wanted to work at this place, it is not my choice. I will have to work hard but I think it is worth it if I can get to a job that I want and desire. So the next couple posts will be about my plans to get to my future dream job. It is a journey and my life will probably not be in the clouds, but I am sure that by the time I get there that it is completely worth it and I can’t wait for the future.